


he remembered

by casandraderolo



Series: Rich Centric Stories [6]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Childhood Trauma, I mean not relly but sort of so just in case!, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Its a happy-ish ending so....., Its kind a roller coaster of emotions, Panic Attacks, Peer Pressure, Underage Drinking, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 11:14:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11966205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casandraderolo/pseuds/casandraderolo
Summary: He didn't remember much from that night, but he remembered





	he remembered

The first time that Rich ever drank was at Jake’s freshman year halloween party.

* * *

 

He didn't want to, he _really,_ didn't want to, honestly he didn't even want to be at this party right now.

 

The only reason he even showed up was because Jake wanted him too, and Rich never could say no to Jake when he gave him that dazzling mega-watt smile.

 

And so, he showed up at the party fully prepared to talk to Make for about thirty minutes, and the hide out in Jake’s bedroom until either the party ended or Jake found him, whichever came first.

 

But no, right when he was about to slip off to hodr in Jake's bedroom, somebody had to mention how he hadn't drunk anything.

 

It took everything in him not to cry.

 

Not to freeze, and break down in tears, because he didn't want this to happen.

 

He knew how he was so susceptible to going along with what people wanted him to, even if it made him feel, gross, and wrong, and sick, and like _him._

 

And he could hear that little voice in the back of his mind.

 

“Come on, don't be a tight ass, just let go and have fun!”

 

_No, please no._

 

“Come on, nothing bad is going to happen.”

 

_Yes, yes it will._

 

“Come on, Rich do it!”

 

_I don't want to, please don't make me._

 

“Okay. I'll do it.”

 

_No, please don't do it, you know…._

 

Rich didn't remember much after that.

 

He remembered Brooke’s blonde hair on his shoulder as they drunkenly laughed on the back porch.

 

He remembered laughing so hard at some stupid joke, that he feel off of the bar stool he was sat upon.

 

He remembered the smile on Jake's face at he and Chloe slipped off into the guest bedroom.

 

He remembered Brooke’s giggle as they laughed together at Dustin Kropp, who had fallen off of the pouch.

 

He remembered sitting alone, on the living room couch, and someone with dark hair sitting down next to him.

 

He remembered a pair of icy, cold blue eyes staring back into his own soft forest green ones. He remembers the eyes closing as they leant in closer and kissed him hard.

 

He remembered running and pushing and yelling and everything was too loud.

 

He remembered shaking hands and the smell of vomit and tears falling.

 

He remembered waking up the next day at  two in the afternoon next to Jake on his full sized mattress, with a pounding headache and a feeling of unavoidable dread building in the pit of his stomach and filling up his lungs.

 

He remembered getting up, and then he was to dizzy to stand, and know he was on the ground and he had his hands tangled in his hair and god he was just like _him._

 

He was just like _him,_ he was just like _him, him, him, him, him, him, him, he was_ **_him_ ** _he was doomed to be_ **_him_ ** _nothing but_ **_him_ ** _to be just like_ **_him,_ ** _God, please don't let him end end up like_ **_him._ **

 

He remembered sitting there in the middle of Jake’s bedroom with his hands tangled in his hair and then they weren't and Jake was sat in front of him, soft blue eyes, deep and whispy, he could get lost in the concern and sleepiness, and maybe he could just just stop time and live in that moment let himself stay lost in Jake's eyes, and Jake pulled him close and he was safe and warm, and tired, and so awake, and alive and he never wanted to leave because he could relax truly relax and he was _safe_.

 

“I'm sorry I didn't do anything. I should have realised sooner. I won't let it happen again. I'm so sorry.”

 

And Rich remembered how all he had wanted to say was that he knew, and that he was okay, but he couldn't because he was so tired and comfortable and he didn't want to break the moment, he didn't want to leave because everything was safe and he didn't know if he would ever feel this safe again, and wanted to savor it for as long as possible before he was thrown back out for the beast to terrorize him.

 

He was safe.

  
He remembered he was safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh! This was not the original plan for this but oh well!
> 
> yell at me on tumblr  
> [main](http://callme-jakey.tumblr.com/)   
> [bmc side](https://transjakobdillinger.tumblr.com/)


End file.
